Jerry springer show (en anglais)

*Je me permets de publier un texte écrit avec Liam, Alcide et Eli.*

J'ai pas vraiment le temps de mettre les couleurs, mais si l'un d'eux passe par ici, libre à lui de les mettre.

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Voice off: And now, the personality you are all waiting for… Jeerrryyyy Sprriiiinnnnnger!!!!
(Jerry sort des coulisses et entre sur scène)

Jerry: Hello my dear audience. Today in the Jerry Springer Show, we are going to speak about poison, a crazy mother and death.All those things you love. I’ve three guests. I’m going to introduce you to the first guest. So I want you to applaud for… Mrs Munshin!
(Applaudissement, Mrs Munshin entre et ils se font un hugs)
Hello Mrs Munshin, How are you today?

Mrs Munshin: Oh, well, I’m fine.

Jerry: Okay, very well. So, Mrs Munshin, could you tell us two words about you, your family, your job and so on?

Mrs Munshin: er… I’m forty-six years old and I live in Metropolis, Illinois. I am married with Charles Munshin, who is a reporter and I haven’t got any job. My only child is Norman and I love him, I could do anything for him.

Jerry: Okay, thank you. Come on, let’s take a sit (il l’emmène vers un siège). Sit down here, okay thank youAll right, my dear audience, that was our first guest. For the moment, all seems normal but there are still two guests left. So let me introduce you to our second guest, who is a man. What kind of man is he? Who is he really? He will tell you that. He will tell you, my dear audience, everything you want to know. Here comes Mr Tillstrom!
(Mr Tillstrom entre, applaudissements, Jerry se dirige vers lui et lui tend la main)
Hello Mr Tillstrom.
(Au moment où Jerry tend la main pour prendre celle de Mr Tillstrom, ce dernier lève la main d’un geste brusque et la passe dans ses cheveux, comme pour se recoiffer)
Oh, you are a comic actor, aren’t you?

Mr Tillstrom: Yes, I am
(Ils se serrent finalement les mains)

Jerry: So, Mr Tillstrom, could you please introduce yourself to the audience?

Mr Tillstrom: Of course. I am fifty years old and I work as a clown in Metropolis’s circus. My wife,I and our three children live in a beautiful little house and we all love American football

Jerry: Okay, come on, I will introduce you to Mrs Munshin.
(Jerry amène Mr Tillstrom vers Mrs Munshin, celle-ci se lève. Ils s’écrasent mutuellement les doigts)

Mrs Munshin: He, you’re crushing my hand!

Mr Tillstrom (d’un ton méprisant): I don’t care !

Mrs Munshin (criant presque): What! Who do you think you are?

Jerry: Hey, that’s okay, take it easy both of you, and sit down. (puis, s’adressant à Mr Tillstrom)Mr Tillstrom, do you want anything to drink? Water, coffee, alcohol, maybe…

Mr Tillstrom: Yes, can I have a cup of coffee?

Jerry: No, you can’t. I haven’t got anything to drink for you. (Mr Tillstrom part d’un rire forcé). You see, I’m a comic actor too.

Mr Tillstrom: Yes you are !

Jerry:(puis, s’adressant au public). Now, you have seen our forsts two guests. A man and a woman who will fight to know who is right and who is wrong. But they won’t be alone, because we have a last guest to introduce you.
He is strong.
He is beautiful.
And he is a little crazy too… It is Mr Hemsley!!!
(Mr Hemsley entre en scène, il salue le public et se dirige vers Jerry)

Mr Hemsley: Hello Jerry (il commence à serrer la main de Jerry) How are you?

Jerry (retirant sa main d’un coup sec): I’m fine, thank you. Well, Mr Hempsley, do you know why you are here?

Mr Hemsley: No, nobody told me why I was here. I just received a convocation and I came.

Jerry: You are here because you will have the responsibility to side with or against one party, between Mrs Munshin or Mr Tillstrom. Do you understand your responsibilities?

Mr Hemsley: Er… (Le silence se prolonge)Yeah, I think I understand

Jerry: Very good. So, introduce to yourself to the audience, tell us who you are.

Mr Hemsley: I’m Mr Hemsley, the coach of Metropolis‘s American football team. Hé, Jerry, do you like football?

Jerry: …Yeah, but you?

Mr Hemsley: I love football, and that’s why I am a football coach. I’m not married, I have neither children, nor pets, but I have football! I eat football, I drink football, I play football and football is my job. Oh, I love it.

Jerry: Okay, thank you. Come on, take a sit (il l’emmène vers une chaise et se replace face au public). Now all our guests are here, we can begin. Mr Tillstrom, why are you here? What is your problem with Mrs Munshin?

Mr Tillstrom: But… She tried to poison my son with her dirty and tainted pork!

Mrs Munshin (en se levant): Rubbish! Why would I do that?

Mr Tillstrom (se levant à son tour): Because your lazy and fat son wasn’t the new quarterback of the football team!

Jerry: Hey, Hey, take it easy, sit down and let Mr Hempsley speak. Mr Hemsley, you have put Jeffrey instead of Norman as the quarterback, why?

Mr Hemsley: Because Norman, the ex-quarterback, was fat and he ran slowly. His arm was weak and he wasn’t really a good player but Geoffrey is really…
(à ce moment, Mrs Munshin se jette sur lui dans de futile efforts pour lui faire mal, en vain. Mr Hempsley, conscient de sa supériorité, ne bouge pas et n’essaie pas de se défendre. Mais Jerry s’interpose, il essaie de saisir Mrs Munshin par derrière. Celle-ci fait un geste brusque et lui cogne le nez)

Jerry (s’éloignant, le nez dans les mains): Oh ! My god Oh ! What a stinker Oh ! My nose (il s’éloigne en gémissant, pendant ce temps là, les invités ont repris leur place et se regardent en chien de faïence)
(Jerry se retourne le nez en sang) Oh ! I think I’m going to take a rest backstage (hélant Mr Hemsley) Mr Hemsley ! Here is the mike. Take care of it and ask the other guests some question please, I’ll come back in a few minutes.

Mr Hemsley: Oh yeah? I ‘m the host. I’m really the host. It’s fantastic, I’ve dreamt of that (during) all my life. Well, in fact I dreamed of being a football programme host but thats better than nothing.

Jerry: Yeah, yeah that’s right.

Mr Hemsley: So, Mr Tillstrom, do you want to speak about football ?

Mr Tillstrom: Not really, but I want to speak about my son, who was a very good boy, before this crazy woman…

Mrs Munshin: Hey!

Mr Tillstrom: Oh, shut up! It’s my turn to speak!!
He was a very good boy but now, you poisoned him and he is very ill.

Mrs Munshin: Ah ! Because of a mouthful of tainted meat. He is very weak.

Mr Tillstrom: So, you admit you tried to poison my son !
(Tous deux font mine de se lever)

Mr Hemsley (d’une voix de stentor) : Hey ! sit down every one or I will smash you, both of you. Is that clear?

Mrs Munshin and Mr Tillstrom (A l’unisson) : Yes sir !

Mr Hemsley: It’s your turn now, Mrs Munshin.

Mrs Munshin: Thank you. Well, firstly, have I said to you how much I like football, Mr Hemsley. My son loves football too. But, I didn’t try to poison Jeffrey. Yes, that’s right, I give him tainted pork, but my son ate some too.

Mr Tillstrom: Rubbish, your son isn’t ill !

Mrs Munshin: Because, he is more resistant than yours. Well, Jeffrey is sick because he is weak. He shouldn’t play American football. My family have always loved football.

Mr Tillstrom: But… Who do you think you are???(se relevant, interloqué)

Mr Hemsley: Eh you, sit down. I think this woman is a very good person, and I think she is right. Now Mr Tillstrom, apologize.

Mr Tillstrom: I’m sorry but it’s impossible, she has tried to poison my son and he could die ??!
(Mr Hempsley se rapproche d’un air menaçant) what did you say ?
What a shame but... Ok I’m sorry !!!

Mr Hemsley: You see, it wasn’t difficult.

Mrs Munshin: I accept your apologies. Hey, I have an idea. I’ll invite you and your family to my home, for a big feast tomorrow.

Mr Tillstrom : No I’m sorry, I can’t do that but I’m sure that Mr hemsley should go and eat at your home instead of me, after all, it’s him who chose my son as the new quaterback of the American football team...

J'étais.............. Mme Munshin!
Par contre, les didascalies sont en français...
Et j'aimerais préciser que si le scénario est de nous quatre, c'est Jolivet qui a écrit tout ça.

(Il manque la fin, on ne l'avait pas écrite. Il ne faut pas comprendre que je les invite pour leur faire plaisir, c'est juste pour leur faire goûter un peu de ma viande avariée !)

ahlala... c'était le bon temps, on était jeune alors^^.

Liam Daläa a écrit:

c'est Jolivet qui a écrit tout ça.

cafteur

et moi j'étais... dans quel rôle vous me verriez?

un présenatteur en chemise bleu qui se fait frapper par une mère hystérique^^

Hystérique, moi? Pas le moindre du monde ! ^^

bon alors un peu assassine.

Rubbisch !

n'empêche quand je le relis, je me dis qu'on s'était pas mal débrouillés même si il y a pas mal de trucs à améliorer... Surtout le coup de la baffe en pleine tête

Et ce pauvre liam je l'ai même fait saigner le nez pendant les répétitions^^

Un coup de poing dans le nez en faisant semblant de dire Bonjour, faut le faire quand même^^

...Que de bon souvenir !^^

c'était la bonne époque ça. mes retard en cours de physique le mardi matin. les heures de sommeil en français^^.

mais surtout nos délire au niveau des 3 bancs

Voice off: And now, the personality you are all waiting for… Jeerrryyyy Sprriiiinnnnnger!!!!
(Jerry sort des coulisses et entre sur scène)

Jerry: Hello my dear audience. Today in the Jerry Springer Show, we are going to speak about poison, a crazy mother and death.All those things you love. I’ve three guests. I’m going to introduce you to the first guest. So I want you to applaud for… Mrs Munshin!
(Applaudissement, Mrs Munshin entre et ils se font un hugs)
Hello Mrs Munshin, How are you today?

Mrs Munshin: Oh, well, I’m fine.

Jerry: Okay, very well. So, Mrs Munshin, could you tell us two words about you, your family, your job and so on?

Mrs Munshin: er… I’m forty-six years old and I live in Metropolis, Illinois. I am married with Charles Munshin, who is a reporter and I haven’t got any job. My only child is Norman and I love him, I could do anything for him.

Jerry: Okay, thank you. Come on, let’s take a sit (il l’emmène vers un siège). Sit down here, okay thank youAll right, my dear audience, that was our first guest. For the moment, all seems normal but there are still two guests left. So let me introduce you to our second guest, who is a man. What kind of man is he? Who is he really? He will tell you that. He will tell you, my dear audience, everything you want to know. Here comes Mr Tillstrom!
(Mr Tillstrom entre, applaudissements, Jerry se dirige vers lui et lui tend la main)
Hello Mr Tillstrom.
(Au moment où Jerry tend la main pour prendre celle de Mr Tillstrom, ce dernier lève la main d’un geste brusque et la passe dans ses cheveux, comme pour se recoiffer)
Oh, you are a comic actor, aren’t you?

Mr Tillstrom: Yes, I am
(Ils se serrent finalement les mains)

Jerry: So, Mr Tillstrom, could you please introduce yourself to the audience?

Mr Tillstrom: Of course. I am fifty years old and I work as a clown in Metropolis’s circus. My wife,I and our three children live in a beautiful little house and we all love American football

Jerry: Okay, come on, I will introduce you to Mrs Munshin.
(Jerry amène Mr Tillstrom vers Mrs Munshin, celle-ci se lève. Ils s’écrasent mutuellement les doigts)

Mrs Munshin: He, you’re crushing my hand!

Mr Tillstrom (d’un ton méprisant): I don’t care !

Mrs Munshin (criant presque): What! Who do you think you are?

Jerry: Hey, that’s okay, take it easy both of you, and sit down. (puis, s’adressant à Mr Tillstrom)Mr Tillstrom, do you want anything to drink? Water, coffee, alcohol, maybe…

Mr Tillstrom: Yes, can I have a cup of coffee?

Jerry: No, you can’t. I haven’t got anything to drink for you. (Mr Tillstrom part d’un rire forcé). You see, I’m a comic actor too.

Mr Tillstrom: Yes you are !

Jerry:(puis, s’adressant au public). Now, you have seen our forsts two guests. A man and a woman who will fight to know who is right and who is wrong. But they won’t be alone, because we have a last guest to introduce you.
He is strong.
He is beautiful.
And he is a little crazy too… It is Mr Hemsley!!!
(Mr Hemsley entre en scène, il salue le public et se dirige vers Jerry)

Mr Hemsley: Hello Jerry (il commence à serrer la main de Jerry) How are you?

Jerry (retirant sa main d’un coup sec): I’m fine, thank you. Well, Mr Hempsley, do you know why you are here?

Mr Hemsley: No, nobody told me why I was here. I just received a convocation and I came.

Jerry: You are here because you will have the responsibility to side with or against one party, between Mrs Munshin or Mr Tillstrom. Do you understand your responsibilities?

Mr Hemsley: Er… (Le silence se prolonge)Yeah, I think I understand

Jerry: Very good. So, introduce to yourself to the audience, tell us who you are.

Mr Hemsley: I’m Mr Hemsley, the coach of Metropolis‘s American football team. Hé, Jerry, do you like football?

Jerry: …Yeah, but you?

Mr Hemsley: I love football, and that’s why I am a football coach. I’m not married, I have neither children, nor pets, but I have football! I eat football, I drink football, I play football and football is my job. Oh, I love it.

Jerry: Okay, thank you. Come on, take a sit (il l’emmène vers une chaise et se replace face au public). Now all our guests are here, we can begin. Mr Tillstrom, why are you here? What is your problem with Mrs Munshin?

Mr Tillstrom: But… She tried to poison my son with her dirty and tainted pork!

Mrs Munshin (en se levant): Rubbish! Why would I do that?

Mr Tillstrom (se levant à son tour): Because your lazy and fat son wasn’t the new quarterback of the football team!

Jerry: Hey, Hey, take it easy, sit down and let Mr Hempsley speak. Mr Hemsley, you have put Jeffrey instead of Norman as the quarterback, why?

Mr Hemsley: Because Norman, the ex-quarterback, was fat and he ran slowly. His arm was weak and he wasn’t really a good player but Geoffrey is really…
(à ce moment, Mrs Munshin se jette sur lui dans de futile efforts pour lui faire mal, en vain. Mr Hempsley, conscient de sa supériorité, ne bouge pas et n’essaie pas de se défendre. Mais Jerry s’interpose, il essaie de saisir Mrs Munshin par derrière. Celle-ci fait un geste brusque et lui cogne le nez)

Jerry (s’éloignant, le nez dans les mains): Oh ! My god Oh ! What a stinker Oh ! My nose (il s’éloigne en gémissant, pendant ce temps là, les invités ont repris leur place et se regardent en chien de faïence)
(Jerry se retourne le nez en sang) Oh ! I think I’m going to take a rest backstage (hélant Mr Hemsley) Mr Hemsley ! Here is the mike. Take care of it and ask the other guests some question please, I’ll come back in a few minutes.

Mr Hemsley: Oh yeah? I ‘m the host. I’m really the host. It’s fantastic, I’ve dreamt of that (during) all my life. Well, in fact I dreamed of being a football programme host but thats better than nothing.

Jerry: Yeah, yeah that’s right.

Mr Hemsley: So, Mr Tillstrom, do you want to speak about football ?

Mr Tillstrom: Not really, but I want to speak about my son, who was a very good boy, before this crazy woman…

Mrs Munshin: Hey!

Mr Tillstrom: Oh, shut up! It’s my turn to speak!!
He was a very good boy but now, you poisoned him and he is very ill.

Mrs Munshin: Ah ! Because of a mouthful of tainted meat. He is very weak.

Mr Tillstrom: So, you admit you tried to poison my son !
(Tous deux font mine de se lever)

Mr Hemsley (d’une voix de stentor) : Hey ! sit down every one or I will smash you, both of you. Is that clear?

Mrs Munshin and Mr Tillstrom (A l’unisson) : Yes sir !

Mr Hemsley: It’s your turn now, Mrs Munshin.

Mrs Munshin: Thank you. Well, firstly, have I said to you how much I like football, Mr Hemsley. My son loves football too. But, I didn’t try to poison Jeffrey. Yes, that’s right, I give him tainted pork, but my son ate some too.

Mr Tillstrom: Rubbish, your son isn’t ill !

Mrs Munshin: Because, he is more resistant than yours. Well, Jeffrey is sick because he is weak. He shouldn’t play American football. My family have always loved football.

Mr Tillstrom: But… Who do you think you are???(se relevant, interloqué)

Mr Hemsley: Eh you, sit down. I think this woman is a very good person, and I think she is right. Now Mr Tillstrom, apologize.

Mr Tillstrom: I’m sorry but it’s impossible, she has tried to poison my son and he could die ??!
(Mr Hempsley se rapproche d’un air menaçant) what did you say ?
What a shame but... Ok I’m sorry !!!

Mr Hemsley: You see, it wasn’t difficult.

Mrs Munshin: I accept your apologies. Hey, I have an idea. I’ll invite you and your family to my home, for a big feast tomorrow.

Mr Tillstrom : No I’m sorry, I can’t do that but I’m sure that Mr hemsley should go and eat at your home instead of me, after all, it’s him who chose my son as the new quaterback of the American football team...

Eli Wallace a écrit:

mais surtout nos délire au niveau des 3 bancs

Le Cercle ésotérique des Trois bancs.^^

(en vert, on voit mal Mme Munschin)

je verrais plutôt le "Cercle ésotérique du Triptyque bancal" (même si j'aime bien l'utilisation du terme "ésotérique" qui semble particulièrement bien adapté^^)

En relisant ça, je m'apperçois qu'à part les "auteurs" du sketch il n'y a pas eu de commentaire !

et bien allons y! J'aime bien, bon je n'ai pas pu tout comprendre à cause de l'anglais. Mais j'ai quand même compris une bonne partie et j'ai j'ai eut quelques grands sourires. J'aimerais savoir comment vous est venue cette idée à propos du football américain?

On devait faire un sketche sur un texte qu'on avait travaillé en Anglais (En seconde)
et dans ce texte Il y avait une femme qui avait tenté d'empoisonner un joueur de foot-ball américain.

Liam Daläa a écrit:

On devait faire un sketche sur un texte qu'on avait travaillé en Anglais (En seconde)
et dans ce texte Il y avait une femme qui avait tenté d'empoisonner un joueur de foot-ball américain.

La femme en question était la mère d'un joueur un quatterback je crosi me souvenir dont l'autre joueur avait piqué la place dans l'équipe.

Oui, c'est ça. ( mais bon il suffit de lire le sketche pour savoir ça !)

Ahlala, c'était le bon temps tout ça. On était jeune et insouciant à l'époque... ça remonte à loin

Liam, tu es grillé !
Tu as écrit un texte en anglais ! Tu n'a plus le droit de dire que t'aime pas l'anglais, et pour la peine je te parlerais en anglais dorénavant !

Pour sa défense le texte a été une obligation de vie ou de mort, et il a été écrit à 4

Même si j'ai du apprendre par cœur, et réciter toutes les tirades Mme Munshin, je n'ai pas réellement écrit ce dialogue !
Je n'ai juste que participé au scénario, et c'est Jolivet qui a presque tout rédigé !

Spoiler:

Coco, pitié, ne me parle pas anglais, je ne saurais te répondre que les répliques de Mme Munshin !

La prof avait pas aimé le or not du coup on l'avait enlevé sur le papier; mais on l'avait gardé à l'oral.

Tête en l'air ou cerveau de poisson rouge je sais que c'est loin et insignifiant mais quand même !

C'est bête car du coup ça servait à rien de l'enlever, vu que toute la classe l'aura entendu.
(Et deux fois en plus, grâce à notre succès considérable !)

Je me demande si on avait du repasser parce que c'était bien ou parce que c'était ridicule

L'un n’empêche pas l'autre !

(Je crois qu'on est surtout repassé deux fois parce-que personne d'autre que nous n'avait bien préparé le sketch, on leur faisait ainsi gagner du temps !)

Ouais ça c'est très fortement probable !!

Je me rappelle encore d'Al en train de dire, ah mince j'ai plus de quoi saigner du nez !

Je m'en rappelle. Et la classe de répondre : C'est pas grave ! C'est pas grave !

I have no pity for you ! I'll talk in english in each of my comments on this forum, only when I'll speak to you of course.
So, what do you think about my beautiful english ? Do you like it ? :p

My sentences sound really mean when I write them in english...

- Oh, well, I’m fine.

- Rubbish !

Are Liam kidding Coco.B ?


I remember the most famous 'Fuck off' by Eli Wallace

- Why would I do that ?